As stated in previous entries, women are groomed for relationship and service. Our toys (baby dolls, Easy Bake Ovens, and play kitchen sets) groom us for domesticity. We're groomed to make things better or to make things sweeter through service. In our most innocent of thought patterns, we believe that a man will value the service and care we present to him. I know it sounds crazy, but women believe that loving a man and treating him with love automatically binds him to her. I'm sorry to tell you, but men and women are built so differently.
One major difference is that women tend to meditate on things. Our imaginations drift to the "I wonder would it be like" phase, and we quickly fill in the blanks. When I was about ten years, I knew I was going to marry Michael Jackson. I slept with the Victory Tour program under my pillow. I imagined what my life would be like in that world. Of course, I grew out of "love" with Michael and fell head over heels for New Edition member Johnny Gill. I imagined he would see me in the nosebleed seats and be smitten with my innocence. Of course that didn't pan out either, but I spent a lot of time imagining what it would be like.
Truth be told, Snow White, Cinderella, and all those other fairy tales taught us that Prince Charming would only have eyes for us. Smack yourself! This is not a fairy tale. Life has taught me that we don't know what we want. We are fickle creatures always looking for the next best thing. You can give your absolute best to a person, and they reject you. It is their right as a human being to decide you are not what they desire. It is your right as a woman to guard your heart. We give our hearts away too easily- like Tic-Tacs after eating onion rings.
Of course when our heart is broken (and it will be broken), some of us will point at a man and place all the blame on him. The same rhetoric is usually spewed like venom from our mouths. "I gave you the best years of my life"! "I gave you everything!" It might sound like I'm being insensitive, but I'm not because I've made the same tragic mistakes as many of you. Like Frank Sinatra sang, "I did it my way." The problem is that our way doesn't work. If we're really honest with ourselves, we made a lot of wrong choices. We gave our hearts, minds, and bodies to men who were not ready or able to handle such precious things. But we gave our treasures away in hopes of a trade off. In hopes that men would really see the value in us. Look, we don't give the Hope Diamond to a newborn baby because we know the baby can't understand it's value. Why would we give our treasures to someone who is not mature enough to handle. A matter of fact, when women do such things, we show we are not mature enough to value the treasure God placed in us. If we did understand our value, we would protect it more. Let me show you what I mean.
Two days before my 17th birthday I was introduced to a young man. Our first unofficial date was to Dorney Park, and he treated me like a princess. I fell quickly for him, and in a few days we were "" "officially" dating. What was interesting about this relationship was that ALL of his siblings told me not to date him. They explained that he had another side that wasn't so pleasant. Of course, I ignored the warnings. What transpired next? Five years of unadulterated hell. Makeups and breakups. Infidelities on both sides. Another woman pregnant. Marrying another woman that he dated while he was with me. What was sad was that I didn't want to let him go. I told people that I loved him, but now I know the truth. I just didn't want another woman to get the benefits after I had put in the time. Now days, I laugh about it. What benefits? We knew nothing about each other. We weren't even friends. I had given my treasure to an individual that had not earned it. He was incapable of valuing me because he had his own issues. Truth is I failed me. He didn't fail me. Within the first thirty days of our relationship, I saw all the signs. Instead of walking away, I stayed because I wanted it to work out. If maturity means acknowledging your flaws, I am mature.
What's my point? In this country, we are allowed to pick our mates. This means we have a huge responsibility to ourselves and all those that will be impacted by our decision. Spend time with God and let Him direct you. I promise you if you let God lead you, 90% of your relationship drama will immediately cease because you learn that there are some men you shouldn't ever consider dating. Learn what God says about you. Meditate and treasure His view of you. Let His desire lead you and receive His best.
As a bow to this gift, please take the time to view a clip of Taraji P. Henson's view about relationships. It's a great way to evaluate your own standards.
Click here to see Taraji P. Henson's view on dating.
Learn to value yourself before anyone else can valu
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