Yes. The secrets out! Women are a little more complex than men when it comes to having their needs met. To men, our needs seems to change based on the direction of the blowing wind. I tend to believe that our emotions play a large role in that area. However, there are some basic desires of every woman.
1. "Hero: Inquire Within"- It is safe to say that most women long for a hero. They desire for strong arms to keep them safe from harm. Isn't that what God does for us? One of my favorite television shows is The Game. There's an episode where Melanie and Derwin break up after his affair is revealed, and Derwin tries to stop her from moving out. Enter Trey Wiggs (a friend from college and a NFL star). He grips up Derwin, whisks Melanie off to a hotel, buys her a condo, a car, and pays for her tuition. (The Game Part I; The Game Part II; The Game Part III) How romantic! He rescued her out of nowhere and all because he was in love with her, and didn't want her to worry about anything. It wasn't the money spent that endeared the female viewers to Trey. It was the rescue. There was no doubt Trey would protect Melanie at all cost. Even the most independent woman desires to be rescued. Many of the women that claim "they can do it by themselves" have been disappointed by men. They had opened their hearts to men in the past and experienced abandonment, abuse, and/or adultery. Those women simply don't want to be hurt again. But if you can ever make a woman feel safe in your presence...you will find a way into her heart.
2. "Can You Call Things Into Order?"- Have you ever wondered why women gravitate towards powerful men? Powerful and successful men usually can call things into order. When they speak, people listen. This type of man can shift the atmosphere. We are attracted to that type of authority and confidence. Why? Because you are behaving like our Heavenly Father. To us, you are big and strong able to take on the Goliaths of the world.
3. "Am I Your Diamond?"- With all the female competition there is in the world, a woman wants to know that she stands out in your heart. We want to believe that we are so special "you will forsake all others" (sounds familiar?). To know that a man will resist his carnal nature to be faithful to a woman is more attractive than any man will ever know. A faithful man is saying,"You are worth the investment. You are the poem to my life. You are my dream brought into reality."
4. "Affection is Not an Infection!"- Women love men who can be affectionate. We like to be held in a man's arms. Again, it makes us feel safe and under your protection (not control). When a man can transition from being macho with the boys to connecting to their gentler selves, it really does move us. The thought of a man feeling safe enough in a woman's presence to let his guard down is almost intoxicating. In our mind the conversation goes like this, "Wow. You feel so comfortable around me that you are willing to share your heart." A mature and godly woman will treasure this side of you. She will cover your heart with all that is in her.
Dear Man of God,
This information should be used in the purest sense. If you are searching for your woman of God, by all means gain wisdom from this entry. Use it to find your queen and be blessed by all God has promised you in a mate.
I do love you,
Dapoet
Monday, July 12, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
The Death of the Diary of a Mad Black Woman Part III
Dear Woman of God,
I've noticed something very interesting about the conversations of women on relationships. Women are quick to say that their man is not meeting their needs, but the same women are silent about meeting the needs of their men. Wonder why? Well, let's get the most obvious reason out of the way. Women have been in tune with their needs since knee-high apple pie. We are trained to be family-oriented. Some of our first toys were dolls and fake kitchen sets. We paper our walls with posters of our dream men. For me, it was Johnny Gill and Shawn Stockman. Our minds form the perfect relationship. He will do only the things you love . He will know your needs before you need it. Get the point. We've been focusing on our needs for a long time. What about God's sons? What do they need?
To be honest, men's needs are very simplistic. It is safe to say that the average man desires three things: praise, respect, and sex.
1. Man is made in the image of God's characteristics. God loves genuine praise for He inhabits the praises of His people (Psalms 22:3). This means when God hears His people praise Him, He shows up to do more. Men operate in the same fashion. When a man receives praise, his chest puffs out and he seeks to do more. God has given women the power of influence. Praise prompts motivation. I use to work at a place where the custodians would do darn near anything for me. One day, a colleague asked how I was so lucky. It wasn't luck. I praised them each and every time they provided assistance. They couldn't even pick up the trash without me saying how "big and strong" they were. My words and actions demonstrated that I respected all that they did for me.
2. Respect is closely connected to praise. Ephesians 5:33- “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” In essence, respect means to hold one in high esteem. Respect means acknowledgement. It says, " I see what you're doing. I appreciate what you're doing. I will do my part to support you in your efforts." Respect comes in a variety of forms: a hot meal, a peaceful home, and clean clothes are great examples because it demonstrates support. When a woman can deliver care without being combative, it is a pure demonstration of respect. A good man will realize, appreciate, and continue to mature under the umbrella of respect.
Now, I already hear some of the ladies. "He's too stupid to respect!" Here's a little secret: If you think he is "stupid" now, he was probably "stupid" back then. You picked him. (I'll leave that alone.)
Nevertheless, showing respect is a conscious choice. Showing respect does not signal approval of everything he does. Showing respect displays a recognition of the calling upon his life.
3. Finally, the sprinkles on the the sundae. The average man desires sex on a fairly regular basis. Now, before you reduce this topic to an irrelevant speck, listen. God designed sex. It was not some fantastic mishap between Adam and Eve that was passed down through the ages. Sex is a gift from God and should be a demonstration of love and unity between husband and wife. One day I was listening to some friends talk about their husbands. They were giggling about faking sleep, so their husbands wouldn't wake them up for sex. Wow! When they were dating it was a different story. They loved the rebellion of it all. You know, eating the forbidden fruit. Now, they have the official green light from God and nada.
Here's the bottom line. Sex is important to your husband and it's important to God. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5:
"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." If you have or desire a great man of God, meditate on this, this one man that God made specifically for you wants to come to you look you in your eyes and share the most intimate part of himself with you. With all the temptation that surrounds him daily, he controls his flesh and saves himself for you. That's sexy all in itself! Don't give Satan a foothold. Please be obedient.
I Love You Woman of God,
Dapoet
P.S.
Yes, I will discuss the importance of sex to women in a later blog, but unlike Kool and the Gang it's not "Ladies Night" on this night.
I've noticed something very interesting about the conversations of women on relationships. Women are quick to say that their man is not meeting their needs, but the same women are silent about meeting the needs of their men. Wonder why? Well, let's get the most obvious reason out of the way. Women have been in tune with their needs since knee-high apple pie. We are trained to be family-oriented. Some of our first toys were dolls and fake kitchen sets. We paper our walls with posters of our dream men. For me, it was Johnny Gill and Shawn Stockman. Our minds form the perfect relationship. He will do only the things you love . He will know your needs before you need it. Get the point. We've been focusing on our needs for a long time. What about God's sons? What do they need?
To be honest, men's needs are very simplistic. It is safe to say that the average man desires three things: praise, respect, and sex.
1. Man is made in the image of God's characteristics. God loves genuine praise for He inhabits the praises of His people (Psalms 22:3). This means when God hears His people praise Him, He shows up to do more. Men operate in the same fashion. When a man receives praise, his chest puffs out and he seeks to do more. God has given women the power of influence. Praise prompts motivation. I use to work at a place where the custodians would do darn near anything for me. One day, a colleague asked how I was so lucky. It wasn't luck. I praised them each and every time they provided assistance. They couldn't even pick up the trash without me saying how "big and strong" they were. My words and actions demonstrated that I respected all that they did for me.
2. Respect is closely connected to praise. Ephesians 5:33- “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” In essence, respect means to hold one in high esteem. Respect means acknowledgement. It says, " I see what you're doing. I appreciate what you're doing. I will do my part to support you in your efforts." Respect comes in a variety of forms: a hot meal, a peaceful home, and clean clothes are great examples because it demonstrates support. When a woman can deliver care without being combative, it is a pure demonstration of respect. A good man will realize, appreciate, and continue to mature under the umbrella of respect.
Now, I already hear some of the ladies. "He's too stupid to respect!" Here's a little secret: If you think he is "stupid" now, he was probably "stupid" back then. You picked him. (I'll leave that alone.)
Nevertheless, showing respect is a conscious choice. Showing respect does not signal approval of everything he does. Showing respect displays a recognition of the calling upon his life.
3. Finally, the sprinkles on the the sundae. The average man desires sex on a fairly regular basis. Now, before you reduce this topic to an irrelevant speck, listen. God designed sex. It was not some fantastic mishap between Adam and Eve that was passed down through the ages. Sex is a gift from God and should be a demonstration of love and unity between husband and wife. One day I was listening to some friends talk about their husbands. They were giggling about faking sleep, so their husbands wouldn't wake them up for sex. Wow! When they were dating it was a different story. They loved the rebellion of it all. You know, eating the forbidden fruit. Now, they have the official green light from God and nada.
Here's the bottom line. Sex is important to your husband and it's important to God. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5:
"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." If you have or desire a great man of God, meditate on this, this one man that God made specifically for you wants to come to you look you in your eyes and share the most intimate part of himself with you. With all the temptation that surrounds him daily, he controls his flesh and saves himself for you. That's sexy all in itself! Don't give Satan a foothold. Please be obedient.
I Love You Woman of God,
Dapoet
P.S.
Yes, I will discuss the importance of sex to women in a later blog, but unlike Kool and the Gang it's not "Ladies Night" on this night.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The Death of the Diary of a Mad Black Woman Part II
Dear Maturing Woman of God,
Why should you only be in a relationship with a godly man? Well, let's think about our Heavenly Father. He is faithful, compassionate, a provider, a protector, strong, and loving. When He truly resides in someone, the characteristics must grow and develop in that person. Look, years ago I worked at a camp. Half of the staff came from Brooklyn and the other half from London. I spent 11 weeks with these wonderful people. The side effect: I had one of the thickest accents around. What's the point? The person or people you spend the most time around influence you the most. If a man spends a great deal of time developing his relationship with the Father, he develops God's attributes. The man will become faithful, compassionate, a provider, a protector, strong, and loving.
How does God desire for his daughters to be treated? Ephesians 5:25-30 says, "And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his body." I Peter 3:7 says, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." Now, what woman doesn't want this in her life? God has so much He wants you to experience!
Before you go get a new dress for this Sunday's service, let's talk. Just because a man goes to church doesn't mean he has a mature relationship with God. You will know if he has a relationship with God by the fruit he bears. He will bear this fruit in and out of your presence. If he only bears fruit in your presence, it's an ACT! Run for the hills! Remember, Satan goes to church! Some men are in the beginning stages of their relationship with God. Their spirit is willing, but their flesh is oh so weak. These men have a little too much world in them. It doesn't take much for them to fall off the wagon. If you care about this brother in Christ, let him continue to develop. Rushing into something may hurt the both of you. Instead, wait for God to send a mature man of faith. You will notice I said mature and not perfect. This man is developing the ability to love you like the Father loves you. He will care for you and allow God to lead him on how to treat you. In the meantime, allow God to mature you! As much as God loves His daughters, He adores His sons. This topic will be discussed in a later blog.
I love you woman of God,
Dapoet
Why should you only be in a relationship with a godly man? Well, let's think about our Heavenly Father. He is faithful, compassionate, a provider, a protector, strong, and loving. When He truly resides in someone, the characteristics must grow and develop in that person. Look, years ago I worked at a camp. Half of the staff came from Brooklyn and the other half from London. I spent 11 weeks with these wonderful people. The side effect: I had one of the thickest accents around. What's the point? The person or people you spend the most time around influence you the most. If a man spends a great deal of time developing his relationship with the Father, he develops God's attributes. The man will become faithful, compassionate, a provider, a protector, strong, and loving.
How does God desire for his daughters to be treated? Ephesians 5:25-30 says, "And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his body." I Peter 3:7 says, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." Now, what woman doesn't want this in her life? God has so much He wants you to experience!
Before you go get a new dress for this Sunday's service, let's talk. Just because a man goes to church doesn't mean he has a mature relationship with God. You will know if he has a relationship with God by the fruit he bears. He will bear this fruit in and out of your presence. If he only bears fruit in your presence, it's an ACT! Run for the hills! Remember, Satan goes to church! Some men are in the beginning stages of their relationship with God. Their spirit is willing, but their flesh is oh so weak. These men have a little too much world in them. It doesn't take much for them to fall off the wagon. If you care about this brother in Christ, let him continue to develop. Rushing into something may hurt the both of you. Instead, wait for God to send a mature man of faith. You will notice I said mature and not perfect. This man is developing the ability to love you like the Father loves you. He will care for you and allow God to lead him on how to treat you. In the meantime, allow God to mature you! As much as God loves His daughters, He adores His sons. This topic will be discussed in a later blog.
I love you woman of God,
Dapoet
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Death of the Diary of a Mad Black Woman Part I
Dear Reader,
What life has been birthed from being an angry black woman? I'll tell you. No life at all. The truth is that it has slowly killed us and our relationships. God is a God of truth, so let's start telling it. For many of the black women I know (including myself), we just made bad choices. Sometimes we didn't know any better. Sometimes we knew better but still made the bad choice. What do I mean?
Here are surefire ways to reduce finding a great man:
My dear sisters,
In God's eye we are all created equal. We are intelligent beings because we have The Intelligent Father. This means we have the authority, the right, and responsibility to use the God-given wisdom to make better choices. When we acknowledge our roles in the relationship selection process, we can grow. However, when we spend all day blaming men for all our hurts, we can't be in position for the Great Man God has for Us. And quiet as it's kept in the Sista' Circle...No Man Wants An Angry Woman. "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day" Proverbs 27:15. Carnal anger hinders us. It hinders our hearing from God. It hinders us from spiritual promotion. It hinders us from developing into the Great Women God needs for us to be for our men and for the Kingdom at Large.
I Love You Woman of God,
Dapoet
What life has been birthed from being an angry black woman? I'll tell you. No life at all. The truth is that it has slowly killed us and our relationships. God is a God of truth, so let's start telling it. For many of the black women I know (including myself), we just made bad choices. Sometimes we didn't know any better. Sometimes we knew better but still made the bad choice. What do I mean?
Here are surefire ways to reduce finding a great man:
- Dating an ungodly man
- Going to jail to find a man
- Taking someone else's man
- Ignoring obvious and present signs of abusive behavior (emotional, physical, or substance)
- Always dating someone for their possible potential (that you want to develop)
- Sleeping with any man before your wedding day
- Trying to control a man ('cause ain't no man going to control you)
- Selecting a man who plants his seed with many and never stays to cultivate the harvest (a man with many children by many different women)
- Selecting a man who is not striving to protect and provide for his family
- Selecting a man because you are lonely
My dear sisters,
In God's eye we are all created equal. We are intelligent beings because we have The Intelligent Father. This means we have the authority, the right, and responsibility to use the God-given wisdom to make better choices. When we acknowledge our roles in the relationship selection process, we can grow. However, when we spend all day blaming men for all our hurts, we can't be in position for the Great Man God has for Us. And quiet as it's kept in the Sista' Circle...No Man Wants An Angry Woman. "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day" Proverbs 27:15. Carnal anger hinders us. It hinders our hearing from God. It hinders us from spiritual promotion. It hinders us from developing into the Great Women God needs for us to be for our men and for the Kingdom at Large.
I Love You Woman of God,
Dapoet
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