My Brothers and Sisters: Where are you Black People?

     Lately, the media and the African- American community have been ablaze with the focus on police officers shooting unarmed African-American citizens. I, for one,  have been devastate in cases where the choice to use a firearm seemed excessive. Then, I realized that with all the media hype, we have completely forgotten about all the issues that our community faces on a daily basis. Some of us are so focused on what we consider "the enemy" killing us that we have completely lost sight of the insidious behaviors lurking within in our own communities and committed by our own people.

   When I grew up in West Philadelphia, I always heard people speaking about "The Man" doing horrible things to our communities. Now, I knew what that terminology meant, but I was still confused. You want to know why? It wasn't "The Man" I saw hit my mother. It wasn't "The Man" I saw selling drugs two doors down from me. It wasn't "The Man" I saw writing graffiti on the walls. And it wasn't "The Man" I saw abandoning their families. Nope. The perpetrators of these crimes were people that looked and sounded like me. My people.

   As I sit here reflecting on us as people, anger and shame feel my soul. Some of us have gotten so lost along the way. We have forgotten the struggle, the bodies beaten, and the blood shed which gave us an opportunity to be free, Our ancestors were ripped from their land, shackled to the bottom of ships, shipped across the Middle Passage and sold as inanimate objects. We've forgotten how our women were repeatedly raped by their owners. How our children were ripped away from their parents and sold in slavery. We've forgotten about lynchings, beatings, crosses burning, attack dogs, and fire hoses. Too many of us have let our ancestors die in vain.

     Where are you black people? When our urban cities like Chicago and Philadelphia are racking up the bodies of black teens by other black teens. What are you doing about it? Where is your outrage? Where are your picket signs? Where are your strategy meetings? How are you teaching our people the value of life? If you won't start the revolution, who will?

     Where are you black people? When our communities are being ravished by crack, cocaine, and heroin? Are you guarding the blocks? Are you stepping up to protect your own? Where is your plan? How are you improving the community?

     Where are you black people? When gangs are stealing our sons and daughters because they "offer" the young people something they feel is lacking...a family. How in the world can our youth be willing to get "jumped in" or have a "train" performed on them to be adopted into a family? Where is your soul-searching and war cry?

     Where are you black people? When grown men stand on street corners all day in jeans sagging down to their knees smoking weed to relieve their stress. Are you educating the brothers on the real meaning of sagging jeans? Do you let them continue to look like fools when they can't even properly walk down the street because the waist of their pants is near their own ankles? Are you letting them know that it started in prison culture? Are you letting them know that pants sagged because the prisoners weren't allowed to have belts to prevent them from hanging themselves? Have you told them that it morphed into a sign that men were available to have sex with other men, or do you let them think that it brings swag?

     Where are you black people? When our young women are popping out babies by seven different men? Have you taught them their value? Have you invested time to get our women back on track or do you simply stare and point as their butt cheeks and breasts try to make an escape from their clothing? Where are you when men are having so many children by so many women that it's possible half-siblings could marry? Why aren't you marching about that?

    Where are you black people? When too many of our people choose crime to support themselves instead of getting an academic or vocational education? Are you stepping in and becoming their mentors? Or are you waiting for someone else to do it?

     Where are you black people? When our children are failing in school. Are you pointing to the teachers? Or do you see the numerous parents who, when they do come to school, are high, drunk, or violently spewing profanity? Where are you when children are raising themselves because their parents are in the clubs?

     Where are you black people? When reality shows get rich off of making us look ignorant by selecting African-Americans who clearly hold no real value for themselves. They curse, fight, get drunk, and hop from bed to bed with absolutely anyone.

     Why do you simply want to march when it comes to police officers? Why are you not as passionate about the way our culture is imploding? Why are you only concerned about the percentage of African-Americans in prison instead of what the individuals did to get in prison. We are destroying our own selves faster than any other group could ever do, Change starts from within our own community. We can't expect anyone else to value us if we don't value ourselves. Where are you black people?

It's a Strange Thing

     It's a strange thing.  The heart of a woman.  Songs have been composed about it.  Poems have given tribute to it.  Nature's characteristics are attributed to it.  A woman's heart can be as comforting as the cooling breeze caressing one's cheek as they sink their feet in the sand along the Atlantic Coastline.  Yes.  A woman's heart has the power to soothe the broken-hearted.  However, our heart tends to get us into enormous trouble if not properly guarded.

     As stated in previous entries, women are groomed for relationship and service.  Our toys (baby dolls, Easy Bake Ovens, and play kitchen sets) groom us for domesticity.  We're groomed to make things better or to make things sweeter through service.  In our most innocent of thought patterns, we believe that a man will value the service and care we present to him.  I know it sounds crazy, but women believe that loving a man and treating him with love automatically binds him to her. I'm sorry to tell you, but men and women are built so differently.

     One major difference is that women tend to meditate on things. Our imaginations drift to the "I wonder would it be like" phase, and we quickly fill in the blanks. When I was about ten years, I knew I was going to marry Michael Jackson. I slept with the Victory Tour program under my pillow. I imagined what my life would be like in that world. Of course,  I grew out of "love" with Michael and fell head over heels for New Edition member Johnny Gill. I imagined he would see me in the nosebleed seats and be smitten with my innocence. Of course that didn't pan out either, but I spent a lot of time imagining what it would be like.

   Truth be told, Snow White, Cinderella, and all those other fairy tales taught us that Prince Charming would only have eyes for us. Smack yourself! This is not a fairy tale. Life has taught me that we don't know what we want. We are fickle creatures always looking for the next best thing. You can give your absolute best to a person, and they reject you. It is their right as a human being to decide you are not what they desire. It is your right as a woman to guard your heart. We give our hearts away too easily- like Tic-Tacs after eating onion rings.

     Of course when our heart is broken (and it will be broken), some of us will point at a man and place all the blame on him. The same rhetoric is usually spewed like venom from our mouths. "I gave you the best years of my life"! "I gave you everything!" It might sound like I'm being insensitive, but I'm not because I've made the same tragic mistakes as many of you. Like Frank Sinatra sang, "I did it my way." The problem is that our way doesn't work. If we're really honest with ourselves, we made a lot of wrong choices. We gave our hearts, minds, and bodies to men who were not ready or able to handle such precious things. But we gave our treasures away in hopes of a trade off. In hopes that men would really see the value in us. Look, we don't give the Hope Diamond to a newborn baby because we know the baby can't understand it's value. Why would we give our treasures to someone who is not mature enough to handle. A matter of fact, when women do such things, we show we are not mature enough to value the treasure God placed in us. If we did understand our value, we would protect it more. Let me show you what I mean.

     Two days before my 17th birthday I was introduced to a young man. Our first unofficial date was to Dorney Park, and he treated me like a princess. I fell quickly for him, and in a few days we were "" "officially" dating. What was interesting about this relationship was that ALL of his siblings told me not to date him. They explained that he had another side that wasn't so pleasant. Of course, I ignored the warnings. What transpired next? Five years of unadulterated hell. Makeups and breakups. Infidelities on both sides. Another woman pregnant. Marrying another woman that he dated while he was with me. What was sad was that I didn't want to let him go. I told people that I loved him, but now I know the truth. I just didn't want another woman to get the benefits after I had put in the time. Now days, I laugh about it. What benefits? We knew nothing about each other. We weren't even friends. I had given my treasure to an individual that had not earned it. He was incapable of valuing me because he had his own issues. Truth is I failed me. He didn't fail me. Within the first thirty days of our relationship, I saw all the signs. Instead of walking away, I stayed because I wanted it to work out. If maturity means acknowledging your flaws, I am mature.

     What's my point? In this country, we are allowed to pick our mates. This means we have a huge responsibility to ourselves and all those that will be impacted by our decision. Spend time with God and let Him direct you. I promise you if you let God lead you, 90% of your relationship drama will immediately cease because you learn that there are some men you shouldn't ever consider dating. Learn what God says about you. Meditate and treasure His view of you. Let His desire lead you and receive His best.

    As a bow to this gift, please take the time to view a clip of Taraji P. Henson's view about relationships. It's a great way to evaluate your own standards.
Click here to see Taraji P. Henson's view on dating.

Learn to value yourself before anyone else can valu 

Mediocre No More!

As I drove home a few days ago, tears slowly began to fill my eyes. "Why am I so mediocre?" constantly bombarded my thoughts like a hail storm on delicate crystal. I know to the average person it seems like such a ridiculous thought, but the world is filled with such exceptional people and things. It was sad to admit that I wasn't one of those exceptional creations.

When I looked back at my life, all I could see was how I was so average. I wasn't the prettiest girl by far. To be honest, boys didn't even notice me until 8th grade. (That's about the time that I learned the power of cleavage, tight pants, and short skirts.) I couldn't really draw, sing, or dance, but I went to a magnet high school where I was surrounded by artists and musicians. Even as a student, I was mediocre. I never desired straight A's or to be the valedictorian. Middle of the road is where I was comfortable.

My one clear strength was that I worked hard. I came from a family that believed in going the extra mile. No one could say I was lazy. First one into work and last one was out was my motto, but I never desired to move up in position. This mindset satisfied me until a few years ago. It was my 40th birthday, and I realized that I had not fulfilled one dream. You know what I mean by dreams, don't you? Those dreams that your adolescent mind conceived in your free time. The belief that you could be or do anything was always at the forefront of my thinking.

 Fast forward three decades and I had what I thought I wanted. A stable job, loving family, and great friends. But I still felt mediocre. Why did everyone else seem so amazing but I was just...mediocre? Then, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and told me to look up the word mediocre. Merriam-Webster defines mediocre as "of moderate or low quality, value, ability, or performance, ordinary, or so-so." 

At that very moment,  I was filled with conviction. By calling myself mediocre, I was saying that God had created something mediocre, of low quality, or so-so. I was advertising that I served a mediocre God who didn't put much thought in to His design. How offensive is that? God is a God of planning perfection. Anything less would be opposite of His character. Mark 7:37 declares that God does all things well. Did you hear me? All things! God formed Adam out of ordinary dirt, breathed His breath in Adam, and created something extraordinary. This means I am extraordinary. You are extraordinary. The key is getting this thinking in our Spirits, and there is only one way in which to do this- learn what God says about you.

What Does God Say About His Children

• I am God's workmanship created to perform good works. For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), [a]recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].'' Ephesians 2:10

• I am fearfully and wonderfully made. "I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well." Psalm 139:14

• I am a child of God.  "But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the authority (power, privilege, right) to become the children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name." John 1:12

• I am a friend of Jesus. I do not call you servants (slaves) any longer, for the servant does not know what his master is doing (working out). But I have called you My friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from My Father. [I have revealed to you everything that I have learned from Him.] John 15:15

• I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God. "Even as [in His love] He chose us [actually picked us out for Himself as His own] in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy (consecrated and set apart for Him) and blameless in His sight, even above reproach, before Him in love." Ephesians 1:4

Moving Past Mediocre

So how did I move past mediocre? How did I realize who I was and whose I was? I moved past mediocrity by planting God's Word in my heart and allowing it to take root. What grew from those seeds were wonderful realities of  God's extraordinary craftsmanship. God has given me numerous talents and abilities: writer, minister, worshiper, helper, and teacher. God is developing these gifts for a greater purpose and His ultimate delight. There is absolutely, positively, no mediocrity in me. And guess what? There is not an ounce of mediocrity in you! 

Dear Brothers and Sisters:

You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a perfect God for a perfect purpose. Spend time with your Father and allow Him to groom you for His glory.